Leading From The Feminine: how to go farther, faster & with much less stressApril 5, 2014
The REAL Reason why “this always happens to you”July 15, 2014
This past Sunday was a really big day and a momentous occasion. That’s because I got remarried about 15 years after my last “learning experience” commonly known as a divorce. You may want to settle in because this is going to be my rawest and most revealing blog ever. That’s because it’s an opportunity to completely remove the mask of “Relationship Expert” and just reveal all of me.
A “sign” of things to come
I want to share a story that perfectly summarizes and celebrates my growth…and it also perfectly recognizes some of the traits that don’t make me nearly as proud. (You may have some of those as well). I told you we were being raw here, right? It all started with this simple little sign Katrina really wanted for our beach wedding. It was my idea to get married on a beach somewhere of course, I never considered the logistical challenges of it turning winter on the other side of the planet by the time I came over for the wedding. Nevertheless, my girl started putting together this beach wedding and as we were choosing decor and all the necessary elements with an event planner, she pointed out this sign that she just loved. She had seen it online many times and she very definitely wanted it. It said “Shoes here, vows there, Love everywhere” and it was simply meant to let your guests know they could remove their shoes and join you on the beach. As you can see from the attached photo, the sign was kind of primitive…hand-lettered…nothing special to me. As a graphic artist in my former life, I prefer type fonts…design…great images…high resolution photos that tell a story. My girl liked the romance of the sign and since it was only $22 to rent it for an hour, the provider in me thought to himself…”if my baby wants it, my baby can have it.” Then she kept saying she wanted to make one so we could keep it…and by making one…I knew she wanted ME to make one.
Now here’s where the confession starts.
I have to be honest. I really did NOT want to make that sign. Masculine energy is all about solving problems…conserving energy…not wasting time…especially not when you’re down to the wire in your last week before a wedding. There is absolutely no reason in the world to spend hours hand-making a sign when you can rent it, have someone deliver it AND take it away for only 22 bucks! So I kind of did my usual foot-dragging, “I really don’t want to do that” thing. I thought I was being clever and pointed out the obvious value of renting it and all my best arguments of why we should just get the sign they had. I thought I was home free at that point but as luck would have it, the rental company gave us a ridiculous price quote for all the other items. These companies just assume that the parents of the bride will just wave their magic credit card and pay any amount…but that’s not the case when the money comes from your own pocket. Once again, the problem solver in me said we could make an even better wedding arch with a garden trellis from the hardware store and a fabric drape. It turned out I was absolutely right and we saved more than $500…but there was still the question of that pesky sign. As we were in the hardware store, she was pulling me around to the lumber department looking for sign materials and I was practically, literally dragging my feet. I so DID NOT want to make that sign. I reminded her that for only $22, we could just get the sign but it was clear she wasn’t having it. We ended up leaving that place with a large board in the back seat and yet another project that I wanted no part of when we had so much on our plate already.
It’s not about the sign, stupid
Somewhere that evening I kind of had an epiphany of sorts. I’m not sure if it was more inspiration or desperation but the truth is I just embraced the idea and stopped making it about me and my “convenience.” I had to own the fact that this unusually self-centered side of me was not one of my more attractive traits. In fact, for a guy who TEACHES that feminine energy navigates the world by emotion while masculine is more analytical – I was being remarkably thick-headed about this sign. Just trust me when I tell you from the front lines that there aren’t really many MORE emotional days than a woman’s wedding. So instead, I simply embraced it and asked a better question: how could I actually DELIGHT my girl and surprise her by exceeding her expectations?
Good things happen when you get out of your own way
By asking a better question, I was able to refocus my efforts on something that felt a lot better than foot-dragging. I could actually use my creativity to make a really cool sign that we could be proud to have and display as a memento of our special day. I took some time and played with some looks and ideas on my computer. Since I’ve only been here a month, I had to find the necessary supplies and the vendors who could help me bring my idea to life so I spent some time looking for resources on Google. Pretty soon, it all started to flow and I really like the way it came together!
This may look familiar to some of you…
In the end, all the inspiration I needed was found everywhere I looked: in my wedding vows…in my mission…in our relationship vision…and even on my website. In fact, the answer was kind of obvious. My company was created around the name Legendary Love For Life because I just loved the way it sounded and it resonated with me. From that vision, I attracted an amazing partner who shared my commitment to “travel the world to touch, move and inspire others” in their own quest for a Legendary Love For Life. Today, my vision becomes a reality “officially.” I have travelled to the other side of the world because I can do what I do from anywhere. I am writing a book that makes me really excited. I’m getting great feedback on my articles. My clients are making huge breakthroughs…and best of all…I no longer have to be separated from the woman who inspires me, loves me and makes me a better man every day.
That’s right…as the sign says…on June 15th, 2014, “Today we begin a new chapter in our Legendary Love For Life.” With my beautiful bride, Katrina, by my side…on a gorgeous beach in Australia…we say “I do” and continue our journey to touch, move and inspire as man and wife. Back home in the U.S., it’s both Father’s Day…and my Dad’s 80th birthday. Frankly, with this many blessings to celebrate all on one day…it’s fair to say I’m celebrating my own personal Thanks-giving as well.
I sincerely thank you for being a part of our journey and I truly wish you all the love you truly deserve…and then some…