One of the other ways I help people get beyond stuck is because I really listen to what the people say and help translate so I can quickly help them get down to what’s real. Most arguments tend to happen “up in the fog” where things get murky…hard to see…and the brain has trouble making clear decisions. It’s the same reason we talk about “The Fog of War” because under extreme stress, decision-making suffers greatly, occasionally resulting in tragic, friendly fire accidents. I believe the fog metaphor is incredibly accurate that’s why I tell my clients about my “low beam strategy.” Just like when you’re driving down the road on a foggy night when conditions are less than ideal, hitting your high beams and speeding ahead is risky and dangerous to say the least. The safest thing to do is to slow down, hit the low beams to see what’s underneath the fog…then proceed with caution. Arguments are just like that…what you’re arguing about is never what you’re arguing about. There’s always a root issue below the fog. For example, I once had a couple having a protracted and emotional disagreement on finances and estate planning issues…but underneath all of the math and madness…was a couple who simply couldn’t trust one another after too many disappointments and betrayals. Once we addressed the underlying trust issue, the details became much less important.