“Why is it so damn hard to get a guy to just commit any way?!?!”

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“Why is it so damn hard to get a guy to just commit any way?!?!”

Guys take a lot of heat for how they mess up relationships – and believe me, some of it is very well-deserved. However, in this case, there may be other ways to look at this…

This might be one of the most-asked questions I get whenever I speak to audiences that are predominantly female. Of course, I hear it one-on-one also…so let’s address it.

What about what he wants

For starters, I can guarantee that if you’re finding it hard to get a guy to commit, it’s because you are communicating on your values and timeline – not his necessarily. Now I’m not making you wrong, just pointing out that you may both have very different values, beliefs, goals and interests. Plus you’ve both had totally different and unique experiences of the world…and created meanings around those experiences. Some of those meaning serve us…and some, not as much. If you really want to influence someone, get out of you and into them.


If you don’t know what’s important to him, you’re wasting your time trying to get him to buy into your agenda. We all process the world and opportunities using the W.I.I.F.M. Principle. Simply put, we all ask “What’s In It For Me?” If you can’t communicate the benefit of what you offer in someone else’s language, your chance of getting someone to buy into it is probably not very good.

Dying To Be Free?
Many women (and even men, for that matter) fail to realize just how deeply engrained it is for the masculine psyche to desire freedom. Pure masculine energy is about being the hero or warrior; willing to fight, protect and even die to be free. Honor is a rock-solid, core value and the concept of a “noble death” has a romantic appeal that stirs the masculine soul. By comparison, pure feminine energy resonates with the idea of loyalty but largely, the concept of honor is somewhat foreign. Of course, these are generalizations and there are always variations in conditioned behavior…but generalizations exist because they are common and widely apparent…especially once they’re pointed out…right? Bottom line, the thing to remember about this is that even if committing solely to one woman is quite appealing, it has to be compelling enough to over-ride some very deep-rooted conditioning. However, as long as you’re paying attention, ladies…the idea of making a man “your hero” might be a very good way to overcome that conditioning and work with it – instead of against it. Make sense?

One Other Thing…

As the masculine partner, it’s his job to be the hunter, not the prey – so don’t expect him to respond well if you’re trying to catch him. By definition, that would mean you’re living more in your masculine, rather than feminine energy. If that sounds sexist in any way, it’s not my opinion…it’s a natural law called Polarity that’s in effect all the time, 24/7. Just like gravity, it doesn’t matter if you understand it or even like it. If you violate its principles, you will not get the results you want. Trust me, you wouldn’t want it any other way…unless, of course, you like weak, indecisive men you can push around.

Okay…So What’s The Secret To Getting Him To Commit?

A man will actually make a quick decision and take a woman off the market when he is offered a deal that is too good to pass up…men are competitive by nature and won’t want to lose an amazing woman to someone else. I would suggest you ask a better question. Instead of how do I get him to commit, ask how can I understand exactly what he needs and wants…and assuming that’s a match with what you want…then, how can I confidently demonstrate my value to him while remaining 100% true to what I need and want? Ask a better question, get a better result.

The Number One Thing A Man Needs

I know what you’re thinking…yes, sex is high on the list – and that’s because most men are wired in a way that allows them to experience love through physical contact. By contrast, a woman living in the feminine needs to feel safe and loved before she can really feel open to physical intimacy. Clearly that wiring is reversed so it’s designed to be complimentary, not identical.

Actually, the number one thing that gets or keeps a man’s attention is a woman’s acceptance or openness to receive his gifts. If a man feels like he can please you and you appreciate him, that is the first step in getting his attention. (Remember what I said about making him your hero?) Ladies, it may not seem like it, but even the most commitment-phobic men are wired to want to please you if they are able. The challenge is that we’ve all (men & women) experienced some kind of pain in past relationships and we sometimes develop emotional linkages that block our openness to true intimacy. That’s the area where a great coach can help you to remove those so you have a shot at getting all the love you truly deserve.









It all comes down to clarity and confidence










Ladies, if you don’t recognize and appreciate the value you bring to the table, how can you possibly expect him to get it? Let’s face it…neediness and lack of confidence just aren’t attractive to anyone so if that’s what you’re putting out there, don’t be surprised when your results are less than successful.


I’ve had some exceptional results with the woman I’ve coached in this area so give me a call if you’d like some specific help regarding your situation. Bottom line, men will definitely commit when you know your value and communicate it effectively – while playfully, lovingly holding him accountable. Bottom line…if you want to find the right partner for you…you may want to spend some time finding yourself first.


I always welcome & look forward to any feedback you may have on this or any other distinction I share.

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