The 3 S’s of Relationship TranSSSformation

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The 3 S’s of Relationship TranSSSformation

What If Any Situation Or Problem Could Be Transformed By Remembering Just 3 Simple Words?

Those of you who know me well are aware that I got much of my training and inspiration to do what I do from Tony Robbins. I have been blessed to be a Senior Leader in his organization for several years now and have traveled extensively serving his event participants as a member of his crew. In fact, last month, I was privileged to attend my 7th Date With Destiny program in a row, an annual event that, in my opinion, is the best 7 days you’ll ever spend immersed in personal development. Since I recently returned from the event, I thought I would share one of Tony’s core concepts regarding his crystallization of his last 30 years work into just 3 words. I share this information because it is incredibly powerful and with it, you can transform and overcome any challenge that comes your way. Intrigued? Read on…


In Tony’s world, this is known as your Triad. In other words, it’s the way you feel when you combine your physiology, focus and language. Put another way, it’s the way you hold yourself…are you strong and focused…or weak and apprehensive? What are you focusing on…is it an insurmountable problem…or an opportunity to improve something that wouldn’t have been revealed any other way? Lastly, what words do you routinely use to describe the situation…is it humiliating, pathetic or ridiculous…or is it fortunate, well-timed or a blessing? Words create emotion and when combined with strong physiology and a positive, empowering focus, you’ll be much better equipped to handle challenges that will undoubtedly come your way. Bottom line, changing your state is the critical response that can help change your outcome to one that serves your highest and best good.


We all have a way of telling our stories about what happened and over time, with enough repetition, it literally becomes hypnotic, lulling you into a trance. Think about it…repetitive, suggestive words are pretty much the only tools a master hypnotist needs to control your focus – and YOU are the hypnotist. That’s why the stories we tell about our experiences literally control our destinies when chosen or “accepted” without critical consideration. The only difference between a “curse” and a “blessing” is the story attached to it or a belief that came from it. You may be surprised how many people are walking around with unresolved emotional wounds for a lifetime simply because they didn’t critically consider the inadvertent careless word of another or their own limiting beliefs. The first step in any challenge is coming up with a more empowering meaning that creates a compelling future. From that place, you can now respond…rather than react.


Once you associate an empowering meaning to what happened and a get into a resourceful state, now you can come up with a smart and strategic response to a challenge. And if that doesn’t work, you can always change your approach as often as it takes until you get a better outcome. Too often, people overlook the fact that they have operational flexibility and unlimited creativity. There are always hundreds of ways to the top of the mountain. So often when people feel “stuck,” they think it’s a problem of “not enough resources” like time, money, education, etc. In fact, the answer is not always resources, it’s RESOURCEFULNESS.

Here’s How It Works In Relationships

Recently I had a client that I had worked with contact me for help with an ongoing matter with her husband. She was quite distraught and kept asking me what she should do because “I knew the situation.” As you may have guessed it, she definitely wasn’t in a “peak state.” And you’d be right if you assumed she had a story about what was going on that was far from empowering. She certainly didn’t have a compelling future in that moment. So once you combine a rotten state with a story that’s definitely not serving you…you can pretty much assume that the strategy you come up with…or in this case, don’t come up with…won’t be incredibly helpful. The truth was – she knew the situation even better than I did – but she didn’t trust herself to make a good decision.

Transformation Can Happen In A Heartbeat

In order to work on a better solution, we had to get her to a much better state…and oftentimes, that is a by-product of a much better story. Once I helped her remember how strong she had been, how she always keeps loving no matter what, what an amazing Mom she has been…and how she’s faced much worse in the past…somehow she had a newfound sense of strength and resolve. You could actually hear her physiology improve over the phone. From there, we were able to come up with a much better strategy for going forward in no time. By the time we got off the phone, she was feeling infinitely better about her ability to handle – and most importantly – SHIFT the situation in her marriage.

State, Story & Strategy…You Create Your Destiny

Can you see how powerful this is? Just 3 little words. In minutes, we went from a place of uncertainty and fear to a place of confidence and resolve. What’s a story that you could change TODAY that may have been holding you back in the past? Please send me a note if you’d like to share; I’d love to hear from you!

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