The reason I bring it up is because I want to share with you a powerful, real life testimonial that beautifully illustrates what a game changer it is to understand this concept. My client now finally understands exactly why she was struggling…and understanding is the first step in solving the problem. Of course, there’s a reason I share this. As you read it, you may just realize you know someone in a similar situation…maybe even intimately. By sharing it, we can all learn something powerful and transformational.
“I’ve listened to your CD now three or four times and each time getting a bit more in touch with my H.U.G. and K.I.S.S. Hierarchy. It took me a couple listens but then I got it… For good or for bad, my #1 (need) is Important Priority.
I realized that it wasn’t that I didn’t trust John* or that I am really that jealous of his mom, friends, activities and sometimes the cat (all for which I thought I was insane!!!) I was a lot of the time setting things up to test my importance in his life. Those tests went head on against what he felt he needed to do (which I realize is also what he needed to do to feel good in himself and to love me). I was being an obstacle!”
Understand the Problem…The Solution Reveals Itself
“So much (sic) of our problems could have been smoothed by him just telling me how important I am to him in a way I could hear it. It would have also helped me if he validated the things he valued that I provided for him…I realize that in not knowing that these are my needs, I couldn’t tell him. He was and still is in so many ways my hero. I just couldn’t express it because I felt insecure and resentful. I felt really threatened by everything else in his life. It was truly painful to me not being able to fully be present and my best self with him.”
Here’s what it all means to you
Perhaps the unfortunate part of this story is that this couple just recently broke up due to the exact challenges that she now completely sees…thanks to the new information she got on the CD. That’s why coaching can be so valuable. Simply put – we all have “blind spots” and you don’t know what you don’t know. Now that she understands what was getting in the way in her relationships, we’ve been able to get to the bottom of the issue for her in a very short time – and we’re changing it. That’s because by her own admission, it felt “insane” to her. The truth is, she’s a very sane, rational, amazing and beautiful woman. She just had some needs she didn’t understand…couldn’t communicate…and had no idea how to get them met.
Armed with her new knowledge, Jane* is making rapid progress on getting to the bottom of her old patterns and developing all new ones that feel even better. She has gotten more clarity on what exactly she wants her ideal relationship to look like and is taking some serious action on her new goals. I’ve even had a great conversation with her ex, a very gracious man who spoke to me for about two hours in order to help me help Jane and he was also very interested in learning more about what I teach regarding relationships. After spending quite a bit of time with them, I can say for sure that both are great people…and they now have a much better understanding of their own needs…as well as each other’s.
That’s the thing about what I teach. More and more, I see how relationship challenges are predictable, understandable – and preventable – when people make the effort to develop a new awareness, learn new skills and do a little personal development work. If you’re getting more frustration than results with another human being and you want to turn that around, give me a call and I’ll help you give that “story” a happy ending. The truth is, when you understand this work, you realize there’s a lot less “misbehavior” than you ever thought possible.
* I have changed the names to protect their privacy.